that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
