Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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