is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
even my farts smell like vagina
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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