There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
