The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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