I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
