how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
