their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
