Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
