Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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