The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
