Need sex. Gaining weight.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
