Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You made out with two different species that night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
