My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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