I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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