Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
4 words: hood of his car
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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