Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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