i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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