Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
