Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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