Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
