I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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