Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
