Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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