peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
