I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
