i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That accounts for only three of the penises
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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