so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
