dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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