and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
