some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
