i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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