feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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