you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
