great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
