I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
