Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
