Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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