Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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