you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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