I seem to have left my pride at pride
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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