..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
