she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
