I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
