it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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