apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
