I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
