Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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