I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
