My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
