if i died would you start the facebook group?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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