Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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