btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
