That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
